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Wednesday, March 1, 2006
Crimson Rain
Mood:
 cool
Topic: Dark
Cold bitter winds slap my skin
I never was good or bad
Ive lost all I ever had.
Some call me crazy
Some call me mad
I only listened to one
But even she sings the same song
I believe Ill never belong cause...
(chorus)
One kiss before I cry
One shot to say good bye
All she had to do was lie
Tonight I end the pain
Trigger finger strain
Its only crimson rain
They say good guys finish last
I guess it was a blast but
To bad it didnt last
Between you and I
But just between you and me I say goodbye
(chorus)
Crimson rain
Is a cowards way out
One hears the pistols shout...
If she doesnt care
Neither will I
Just one shot goodbye
Only a gun will cry for me
(chorus)
Good bye
Good bye
Look at the rain
Beautiful crimson rain...
FUCKIN BY nirvana-87
at 9:24 PM MST
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Sypmtoms of Suicide
Topic: Death
I cut my wrist
I feel no pain
I slit my throat
For I am insane
Darkness has
A hold on me
So many shadows
I just can't see
I pierce my legs
When it rains
So distant from happienss
That it seems so strange
Shadows grasping
The darkness is stronger
Bringing my hands together
Praying life was no longer
Always going to others
About this, I continuously tell
My friends are constantly leaving
The pain will always swell
When it seems that noone cares
I start to grab the knife
I sit and begin to wonder
Is there an after-life
Again would it be torturous
Or would it be tame
Would i die in darkness
Then relive this pain
I start by grabbing the knife
My ears, hearing only a ring
I stab myself in the heart
Yet I do not feel a thing
My life has finally ended
I again have nothing to say
Now I live in eternal guilt
They pain has never gone away
FUCKIN BY nirvana-87
at 11:51 PM MST
Goodbye Love
Mood:
 don't ask
Topic: Love
He pulled over and parked the car. We were both silent as we sat there in the darkness of the night. We just sat there, unsure of what to do, or what to say. We both knew that this had been coming for a long time, but neither of us had wanted to think about it. Now it was here. I glanced at him and saw that he was staring at me. I turned, and I realized he was crying, which made me realize something. So was I.
"So," I said, my voice slightly muffled since my throat was all choaked up. He opened his door and got out of the car, then came over to my side and opened the door for me. I took his hand and let him gently pull me out of the car and into his arms. He never was very good with words, but it was what he didn't have to say that always touched my heart. I don't know how long we stood there. Just crying and holding each other. It would be a long time before I would be in his arms again.
"I promise to write you everyday," he whispered in my ear. "And whenever you need me, don't hesitate to call." This was going to be the most painful thing I had ever done, and probably the most painful thing I would ever do. But it had to be done.
"Um, listen," I said. I sniffed, wiped my eyes, and took a step back. "You're going away to college now. Things are going to be different. There will be all kinds of parties and pretty girls..."
"But you're the only girl for me."
God, I hated it when he said stuff like that. It only made things harder. "I know that, babe, and I know that I love you and that you love me. But we're young. We can still be together and everything, but..."
His hands started shaking, and he suddenly pulled me in very close to him. "No!" his murmurred. "No! I - I can't....No!"
"Listen to me," I implored. "I don't want you to be held back by having a girlfriend. I want you to have the full college experience with the dating and the partying and the hard work and everything."
"NO!" he shouted. "I can't live without you. I...I just, I can't! I won't!"
I hugged him and pressed my face into his chest, then I tilted my face upwards to look into his. The tears flowed freely down his cheeks, as they did down mine. It felt like I was ripping my own heart in two to do this, but I had to. I kissed his quivering lips and savored every last moment. Then I stepped back and gave a little wave. I turned to go, but he took hold of my wrist and pulled me back. He ran his fingers through my hair, and I felt those oh so familiar butterflies fluttering in the pit of my stomach.
"I love you," he whispered. He was so intense right now, I was almost afraid, but I knew what he was feeling. "I won't let you let me go. And I'll never let you go." I buried my face into his chest, and as my tears kept coming, I whispered, "I'll be waiting to hear from you." I kissed him one last time and slowly walked away, still facing him. "Goodbye, love."
FUCKIN BY nirvana-87
at 11:46 PM MST
Sunday, February 5, 2006
Please Hear Me
Mood:
 not sure
Topic: Love
I appoligize for my actions
But what am I doing wrong?
I'll do anything just tell me please
I'm crying, I can't breath
You leave, it's not your fault, I know
but that kills me, I miss you, I need you
why does it have to be like this
it's bad enough we have to be kept apart
but I can't live with being shut out
don't just stop talking, leave
if you can't talk to me when your feeling, however it is your feeling
then just tell me "I can't talk" or somthing
just don't shut me out
everyone shuts me out
I can't deal with it again
I'd rather die cold, alone, bloody, on my floor
than hurt again
I won't, can't do it
not even one more time
I'm fragile and easily broken
just be gentle with me please
I love you, need you
You are my oxygen
You can't just be cut off from oxygen
You die
And I will, if you keep cutting me off
I'm sorry I'm this sensitive
But it's even more unfair for me
If I don't tell you
I can't tell you what goes on
I'm sorry, I want to
But I'm afraid of how you'll look at me
What you'd do
If you push me I'll talk, I love you too much not to
I want you to be involved
to be a part of me
o.k. I'm shutting up now
FUCKIN BY nirvana-87
at 8:25 PM MST
Bloody Tears
Mood:
 blue
Topic: Death
bloody tears.and happy memories.the only ones are with You.bloody tears.echos in my head.the few times i've spent with You.bloody tears.splash on my jeans.spraying my legs with mist.bloody tears.i hide from You.swallowed behind my fake smile.bloody tears.caused by confusion. wondering if i'm worth Your while.bloody tears.mixed with bruses.beating myself over You.bloody tears.morbid thoughts.Your better off without me.bloody tears.eternal damnation.giving my life for You.bloody tears.extreme fear.
now i'll be without You.bloody tears.rusted razors.cringing as it slips through.bloody tears.slip from my face.into the gap on my wrist.and as i die.i have a smile.i'm doing this all for You
FUCKIN BY nirvana-87
at 12:26 AM MST
Nightmare's Passed
Mood:
blue
Topic: Nightmares
Nightmare's Passed
locked away
in my room of fears
trapped in this place
for so many years
placed in the darkness
I can never escape
you standby and watch
my horrors take shape
I strain from sleep
I don't want dream
I don't want to see her
or hear her scream
but slowly I fade
and slip into death
the images start
and I take a deep breath
I'm alone all the time
I cry every night
I hear the door open
my face turns white
I hear you cursing
you had a bad night
I hide under the bed
I turn of my light
you begin to yell
and throw stuff down
mom tries to calm you
you slap her around
she stays on the floor
and begs for her life
you slam open a drawer
and pull out a knife
you hit her again
and walk down the hall
you start yelling my name
you keep hitting the wall
I stay under the bed
you knock down my door
you find me hiding
I'm not alone anymore
you turn over the bed
and without even caring
you unzip your pants
and continue staring
you admire my body
look into my eyes
pull off my pants
and rub my thighs
you tear off my shirt
and with the knife in your lips
you touch me all over
and then grab my hips
you rape me for hours
I whisper "please stop"
you smile with pleasure
then let the knife drop
you look down at my body
covered with sweat
you kiss me again
and then make a threat
I promise my silence
you look up with thought
then punch my face
and hit me a lot
you're really angry
and you start to scream
"you stupid slut"
"I'm not as dumb as I seem"
you won't believe me
you pick up the knife
punch me again
and threaten my life
you still won't listen
I start to cry
you stab my chest
I start to die
you look so scared
when you see blood on my chest
you watch my blood
slowly cover my breast
my lungs are filling
I'm drowning in blood
the air is hard to breath
I'm inhaling in mud
you lick my face
say you're good in bed
then you get off me
you think I'm dead
you walk down the hall
to find my mom
she's still silent
she's still dead calm
you throw her down
you stab her twice
everything's blurring
I'm cold as ice
I'm fading away
but I hear her last scream
then I wake up
it was all a dream
I've had this nightmare
for so many years
I no longer scream
I no longer shed tears
I can't run from myself
because memories last
I'll always be haunted
by those who have passed
FUCKIN BY nirvana-87
at 12:26 AM MST
I Love You . . .
Mood:
 crushed out
Topic: Death
I know my time is coming
I can feel my soul wearing thin
My life is about to end
I know what caused this
You know too, love
Pain is comsuming me
My life is unbearable
I need you
Why aren't you there
In my darkest hour
I awake slowly
Dried tears on my face
There's blood on my pillow
My lungs burn
My stomach aches
My head is exploding
My body is sore
My mind is tired and weak
I need you here
I want to die in your arms
I'm tired of being alone
I want another kiss
Your breath on my face
Your hands on my neck
I die when your not here
When your not near me
Can't you feel me dieing
My soul is crying
It hasn't stop sheding tears
I'm facing my worst fears alone
I need your strength
Hold me up so I don't fall again
Shelter me from their mouths
People are cruel
Why do they hate me
Am I so wrong
Do I deserve this
I look in the mirror
What do they see when they look at me
I need you
I'm so lost
I feel so cold
I can't take this anymore
My love for you hurts me
It's so strong, takes so much energy
I have no energy left
but I'll give the last of it to love you
I don't care if I die for you
Just hold me
Never let me go
I need you
Look away from the mirror
this isn't about me
it's about you
I have a few moments left
I told you I'd die my way
I'm so sorry, eternally sorry
I stumble to my room
I grab the razor from under the bed
Admire the old scars on my arm
They move closer to my wrist
I'm going to finish them
I touch the soft white skin
I grasp the razor
I place it where I want it
I push down hard
I pull back quick
The blood takes no time at all
Memories of you swim through my head
I'm no longer afriad
My blood pools
My breathing gets weaker
My visiond slowly fades
I can hear my faint heartbeat
I'm slipping away
I see one last image
I see your face
I die with a smile
I feel no fear
I know now
I will never be alone
FUCKIN BY nirvana-87
at 12:23 AM MST
Mood:
 hug me
Topic: Personal
My Life
it will end soon
i honestly don't care anymore
about anything
the one thing i did care abouthim
he doesn't care
he tells me he does
i can see now it was all lies
he doesn't show me he does
he doesn't make any sence
fineit's all fine
just fuckin dandy
i can't care anymore
hurts to much
i no longer scream
i no longer cry
i no longer do anything
i just waste my time
i'm waiting
for what i don't know
i'm confused
evrything seems so far away
like i'm always behind myself
like someone else is living my life
it's not me
i no longer exist
i'm dead to the world
why can't he just be there
call me
talk to me
see me
anything
would be better than this
but now i don't care
i really don't
i'm numb
dead numb
my time will end soon
i can't even write well anymore
because i don't really think
only simple thoughts
short thoughts
precise thoughts
i'm slow
i'm weak
i'm dieing to die
FUCKIN BY nirvana-87
at 12:21 AM MST
Letter to the World
Mood:
don't ask
Topic: Dark
i call
never there
no ring
i don't care
smile
i'm numb
cry
i'm dumb
hurt
me again
hold
me when
i scream out
i cry your name
help me please
i've gone insane
shut up
don't move
loser
can't improve
shelter
the children
hear
the siren
time
runs out
death
doubt
i scream out
i cry your name
help me please
i've gone insane
no one
knows
no one
feels
we all
rape
we all
kill
no one
lives
no one
sees
we all
hide
we all
cry
i scream at the world
i cry out to parents
help me to tell them
we're all insane
FUCKIN BY nirvana-87
at 12:18 AM MST
I'm Sorry
Mood:
crushed out
Topic: Love
i wanna change
how can i
if i don't know who i am
i'm sorry you have to deal with me
i'm sorry i love you
i wish i didn't
than i could just end my suffering
i'm sorry
for everything
for Lyle
for my bullshit
for my parents
for your parents
for your family
i'm sorry
for everything that pisses you off
for everything that makes you sad
i wish i could just surround you and absorb all of it
so i could see you smile
a real smile
with no worries behind it
and no dark thoughts in your eyes
i wish i could take the weight off your shoulders
take away all your pain
past and present and future
i just wanna see you happy
i'll do anything
don't tell me i shouldn't feel like this
just tell me you forgive me
i'm sorry
so sorry
that i'm just a little girl who knows nothing
that I can't take all of your burdens away
i can't even handle my own
i'm sorry all i have to give is my love
i would give you so much more if i could
i'll give you my life if you want it
whatever you want
i don't care
you don't even have to love me
just knowing I have you is enough
i'm sorry
you have to deal
and that i'm too small
too stupid
to deal
sorry
FUCKIN BY nirvana-87
at 12:17 AM MST
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